Because, if you’re going to use one of these tanks to blow someone up, why can’t they spend their last few minutes laughing at your stupid-looking death machine?
Check out my latest for Listverse, and find out how everything great (and terrible) about computers nowadays was ruthlessly stolen from the past!
And again! 5 Fan Theories That Make Classic Movies Even Better! Oh, and as a special treat, here’s an article entry that didn’t make the final cut! Enjoy!
The Indiana Jones Film Series Is Just A Huge Dream
As everyone knows, at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, the rogue-ish and daring adventurer Han Solo (played by Harrison Ford) was encased in carbonite. This left him in a coma-like state of suspended animation for one year (in movie time), until the events of Return of the Jedi and his eventual rescue and reawakening by Luke and Leia.
After Empire, director George Lucas decided to take some time out and so made a little movie you might have heard about, Raiders of the Lost Ark, which starred Harrison Ford as a rogue-ish and daring adventurer. If you’ve seen both films, you’ll know that Han and Indiana are identical in character: both are sarcastic, womanising smartasses with a taste for danger, riches/fortune and glory, leather clothing, and hanging out with hair-covered beasts with unintelligible accents.
What could this mean?
Well, according to one theory, it’s because the events of the Indiana Jones films are nothing more than the dreams of a carbonite-encased Han Solo.
Firstly, Empire was released in 1980, whilst Raiders was released in 1981. In other words, Han being put into suspended animation and his subsequent ‘dream’ happen in chronological order.
But, you might ask, if Indiana Jones is fictional, then where did Han get the idea for the Nazis from? Simple: he modelled them after the Stormtroopers, the anonymous identically-dressed goons of the Empire, a totalitarian regime with the desire to conquer everything in sight. After all, they themselves were modelled on the Nazi’s own real-life Stormtroopers, so it’s not hard to imagine this influence being reversed in Han’s carbonite-addled head.
Oh, and then there’s the numerous references to the Star Wars universe dotted throughout the Indiana Jones films.
This is taken from the end of the opening sequence to Raiders. Check out the ID of the plane on its tail: OB-CPO, after Obi-Wan Kenobi and C-3PO.
Then, during Raiders again, there’s a hieroglyph of R2-D2 and C-P30 in the Well of Souls (where Indiana finds the Ark).
The opening sequence of Temple of Doom takes place in ‘Club Obi-Wan’.
During the battle on the ship during the opening sequence (again?!) of Last Crusade, there are barrels of ‘Carboneto’ onboard, a thinly-veiled reference to Carbonite
And, finally, in Crystal Skull, these wall plaques of C-P30 and R2-D2 make an appearance in the Temple of Akator
Clearly, Han’s subconscious is inserting references to people and carbonite into his ‘dreams’.
Want more proof? Well, how about the fact that there isn’t a single reference to the Indiana Jones franchise in any of the Star Wars movies? None whatsoever. If Han did dream the entire IJ series, then it’d be logical that there aren’t any references to it in the ‘real world’, as there isn’t anything to reference. After all, none of it really happened. Which is excellent news because then that means George Lucas didn’t destroy yet-another beloved franchise with awful-CGI’d aliens. We’re looking at you, Crystal Skull.
Today, on the day that no-one believes anything they read on the internet, Cracked.com decided to publish two of my articles!
And here’s the first! The 5 Most Misguided April Fools’ Pranks Of All-Time! Featuring…fake hangings, assassinations, and meteor strikes!
It’s my newest for Listverse! Wherein I discuss place-abandoning disasters that aren’t Chernobyl!
It’s my newest for Listverse! Now with 76% more metaphorical representations of England pooping over France!
Happy Valentines Day! I got you my newest article for Listverse!
Jiminy jillickers! It’s my newest article for Listverse: putting the ‘rad’ into ‘deadly radiation leak’.
“A lie is a lie. Just because they write it down and call it history, doesn’t make it the truth”. Truer words were never spoken. OK, that’s a line from the trailer for Black Ops, but the point still stands. The world of gaming is just as murky and conspiracy-ridden as the world of politics; but also, as it turns out, equally full of insane bullshit. Continue reading
Not included: the ‘Seinfeld’, a way of measuring amazing comedy. I don’t want to brag, but this article is worth five of them. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself!